


Tacos

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: Misc UA [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Bisexual Vanya Hargreeves, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Mush, Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Humor, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Light Angst, Missing Scene, One Shot, Protective Allison Hargreeves, Season/Series 02, Soft Vanya Hargreeves, Veteran Klaus Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28825266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: One shot. The missing scenes of Allison, Klaus, and Vanya going to get tacos before they ended up in the hair salon in season 2, episode 5. Sibling bonding and humor.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: Misc UA [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077887
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	Tacos

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear, I’m NOT misgendering Elliot <3 please read the end notes for more info
> 
> **The subjective POV changes from sibling to sibling, depending on the paragraph**

The three siblings sat down with their tacos, looking like an extremely unlikely group of friends without the context of them being related. “So you have a cult?” Vanya awkwardly asked, her mind still sticking on that declaration from Allison. When Five had explained the family to Vanya, she’d realised they were weird, but not to this extent. 

Why did everybody have to keep saying the word cult? “It’s not a cult, she’s just...” klaus gestured to Allison with his taco, hoping to splatter some sauce on her dress “...a bitch.” Thanks to Vanya, there was no danger of being rumored anymore. All Allison could do was resort to violence, which she did. “You can’t hit a veteran, Allison!” Klaus tried to block her girly smacks, taking full advantage of his status as a veteran. Sadly that excuse didn’t work on Ben anymore.

With a roll of her eyes, Allison stopped her play fighting. “It’s a cult.” she mouthed to Vanya, who seemed to be finding this very entertaining. This Vanya was unfathomably different from the Vanya they’d grown up with. It was like she wasn’t afraid to smile, she hadn’t had her self-esteem and confidence destroyed yet. Allison refused to ever let that happen to Vanya again, her smile was too sweet to lose. “Where’re you living, sis?” 

Wow, _sis _... Vanya had never been called that before today, at least not that she could remember. It felt good. Really good. “Uh, a farm.” her reply caused Klaus to chortle as if that was the funniest thing on Earth. Allison subtly nudged him, thinking Vanya would be offended. That wasn’t the case. “No, it’s okay.” Vanya reassured her, not wanting to be mollycoddled. “I guess I wasn’t a farm person before, huh?”__

____

____

“I don’t think you’d ever been on a farm.” Allison answered, at the same time as Klaus replied “No, but you kinda dressed like you were.” He made a fair point, her clothes were more suitable for manual labour than the average violinist’s. 

“Really? I was in a white tuxedo when I landed...” Vanya described, still in a state of confusion and disbelief about that outfit. Carl hadn’t been impressed by how overtly masculine her clothes were. Both of her siblings casually nodded as they chewed, as if that was a perfectly normal way to dress. That reminded Vanya of something that had been in the back of her mind since finding out she was a time traveller. “You know in 2019?” Vanya whispered, leaning across the table so no one could overhear. Both of her siblings leaned in too, making noises of agreement. “Being gay’s legal, right?” Instinctively, Vanya knew it wasn’t accepted in 1963, but she also had a distinct feeling that it was completely normal further down the line.

“Yeah, there’s parades and shit! There’s like, an entire month where everything’s covered in rainbows and glitter. You can ev-“ 

Allison tapped on Klaus’ arm to shush him, sensing a convoluted story beginning. “He’s right. Why? Is everything okay?” Allison murmured, worried about what Vanya may have experienced in 1963. Allison had suffered her fair share of despicable racism, and Klaus had just been punched in the face for his sexuality. If anybody had laid a single finger on Vanya, Allison would happily kick their ass.

“No, no. Everything’s fine.” Vanya airily waved a hand around, trying to make Allison stop worrying. “I think I might be in love with Sissy, from the farm.” she timidly declared, which didn’t seem to shock either of her siblings. It really must be okay to like women in 2019, they didn’t even bat an eye. This reaction felt much more natural to Vanya than the atmosphere she’d picked up on in 1963.

This wasn’t fair, where was Klaus’ sexy farmer?! “How come you guys get to fall in love and all I got was a cult?!” It was especially insulting since Vanya had only been here for a month. Deep down, Klaus didn’t really want to fall in love again, he was still in love with Dave. He just wanted more than an annoying cult. They were so intensely clingy, they made his codependency with Ben look normal. 

“I thought it wasn’t a cult?” Allison deadpanned, hoping he wouldn’t point a taco at her again. This dress deserved better than that. Klaus nonchalantly shrugged and chugged from his flask, clearly giving up on his denials entirely. “You need to talk to those people, Klaus.” Allison sternly reiterated the same thing she’d been telling him since he’d turned up on her doorstep. Nobody else in the history of mankind could accidentally start a cult.

That would involve confronting his problems, and Klaus simply refused to do that. “You need to talk to your _husband_.” he retaliated, menacingly holding his taco like a weapon to make sure she wouldn’t start cat fighting again.

Looking from her brother to her sister whilst she ate, Vanya realised they had matching tattoos. Come to think of it, Diego and Luther had tattoos in that exact spot too. That was odd. “Why don’t I have one of those?” she mumbled, pulling her sleeve up to inspect her own skin. Had she had hers removed? There was no trace of anything.

Uh oh. Allison and Klaus glanced at one another, unsure how to explain that whole situation. Five had clearly omitted large chunks of their childhood in his description of their lives, which was just as calculating as could be excepted from him. “So...” Allison searched her brain for a way to sensitively say this.

“Basically, dad didn’t like you, ‘cause-“ Klaus didn’t allow Allison purposefully stomping on his foot to stop his explanation. “-he was scared of you. But if it makes you feel any better, he straight up _hated_ me.” It was true, Vanya had to find out some day that their dad had been dedicated to treating her with contempt. “The worst bit about time travelling is that dad isn’t dead yet.” Klaus sulkily complained, longing to put a cigarette out on his ashes again. 

It seemed that Five had vastly downplayed the dysfunction of this family. The talking chimpanzee may be the most normal member. “I swear you didn’t miss out, Vanya. They really hurt, we were sobbing when we got them. Diego’s still terrified of needles.” Allison tried to comfort Vanya, assuming Klaus’ confession had upset her. It hadn’t. Vanya would prefer to know the truth, no matter how ugly it may be. 

“It’s okay, I don’t know if a tattoo would suit me anyway.” Vanya shrugged, rolling her sleeve back down. She wondered if Five had one too, at such a young age. That would be particularly cruel, surely no father would do that. “How old’s Five? He’s kinda adorable.” Vanya was secretly enjoying having a younger brother, even if he was pretty bad tempered and lacked basic manners.

Jesus, that comment alone really proved that Vanya had suffered a significant bang to the head. Who would find _Five_ adorable after spending more than a second in his company? “58 and a half.” Allison dryly stated, wishing Five could’ve heard that gibe at his childish appearance.

“Yeah, that’s what he writes in crayon on the bottom of his drawings.” Klaus joked, making both himself and Allison keel over with laughter. “Did you see them stuck to the fridge?” that was apparently especially hilarious, as Allison made a little squeal and wiped a tear from her eye. Vanya wasn’t following what any of this meant, but she smiled anyway. She began to take larger gulps of her beer, needing to catch up with their drunkenness. It looked fun. 

After a few moments, they finally stopped giggling and focused back on their food. Neither of them seemed to notice how confused Vanya was. “Seriously though, how old is he?” Vanya asked between sipping on her beer. Both of her siblings looked up from their meals at the same time, and then at each other. Huh?

—

It was slightly disappointing to find out that Five was actually her elder brother. “Why didn’t he change age again this time?” Vanya questioned, finishing off her second beer. As soon as she placed the bottle down, Klaus handed her a flask of liquor. Having siblings was great!

“Probably because he’d be a fetus.” Allison replied, taking the flask from Vanya before she could drink from it. “It tastes like nail polish remover.” she playfully warned, passing it back to their brother. “The salon has the good stuff.” With a mischievous smirk, Allison gestured for her siblings to get up. The salon also functioning as a meeting place was handy, they had plenty of booze stashed away. Allison could start worrying about Klaus’ alcoholism again tomorrow, she needed to unwind for today.

They both jumped up to join Allison, though Vanya couldn’t understand why a salon would have a supply of alcohol. Was that something her amnesia made her forget? “Did he tell you about the briefcases?” Klaus drawled, putting his arm around Vanya as they walked. She wasn’t sure if that was out of love, or simply because he was too drunk to walk straight. It didn’t matter, she was enjoying it either way.

“No...” Vanya had no idea what that question meant, and was too afraid to ask. Every answer she received only made her more puzzled.

“What _briefcases?_ ” Allison scoffed with a furrowed brow, looking over her shoulder at her siblings. Even though Allison wasn’t the one with amnesia, she still felt as though she needed somebody to give her a run down of what happened in the week leading up to the 2019 apocalypse. It looked like there was a risk of Klaus falling and taking Vanya down with him, so Allison linked arms with her. Allison didn’t need an excuse to do that anyway, she wanted to be close to Vanya. It had felt like she’d never see her again. 

For once Klaus actually knew more than everybody else, so he decided to be an asshole and keep that information to himself. “Oh, nothing. Can you do white people hair?”

“What, _cut_ it?” Allison incredulously remarked, knowing just how much Klaus was loving the long hair. He dramatically gasped in response, like Allison had suggested them committing murder. He must’ve meant styling. “Yeah, I can style white people hair.” she was excited by the idea of using Klaus as a Barbie styling head, dad had always refused to buy her one. Claire had one, because Claire had everything she ever wanted and more. Thinking about her daughter was genuinely painful, Allison couldn’t wait to get drunker.

Being in the middle of Allison and Klaus felt a little like they were playing tug of war with her as the rope, but Vanya didn’t mind. “Are there any dead people here?” Vanya spoke to her brother, intrigued by the macabre ability. She had the feeling that in the future there was a movie about this particular power, though she couldn’t recall any of the fine details... 

Apparently Ben had gotten bored on his own, as he was now lingering nearby. Klaus glanced at Ben sauntering behind them, having the perfect opportunity to admit that he _had_ successfully time travelled with them. “Nope, no ghosts.”

“I hate you!” Ben frustratedly yelled, shoving Klaus in the back. His strength had slightly lessened now Klaus was drinking again, but he still had enough force to make him nearly face plant. Ben’s undying rage gave him the energy, like the first time he’d punched Klaus in the face. That moment was beautiful. Klaus deserved to break his nose or something else that would injure his vanity, Ben was desperate to finally, finally talk to Allison and Vanya again. It had been almost seventeen years! “I’m right here!”

Unsurprisingly, Allison’s worries about Klaus falling over had been confirmed. At least Vanya didn’t trip too, she didn’t need another head injury. Like everyone in the family regularly did, Allison completely ignored whatever Klaus was doing. “Sissy doesn’t have any... murderer vibes, does she?” Allison nervously asked, not fully trusting Vanya’s taste in love interests. They weren’t ready for another Harold Jenkins situation.

What kind of question was that? “...No?” Vanya blankly stared up at Allison, still processing what had just been said. “No, she- she’s perfect... _Why?_ ” Again, Vanya was uncertain whether she truly wanted to know the answer. Allison smiled and gently shook her head, giving Vanya’s hand a light squeeze. It was surreal having a sister - Vanya couldn’t stop smiling, even though the world was supposedly about to end.

“No reason.” Allison lied, making Klaus loudly snort. They neared the salon, so Allison retrieved the keys from her purse. Whilst Vanya was distracted by peering through the window, as if she’d never seen a salon before, Allison yanked Klaus over to her. “Don’t tell her any of the weird stuff!” she whispered, dreading all of their secrets coming out at once. It would be overwhelming for Vanya, and embarrassing for everybody else.

That sounded like code for _”Don’t tell her about the incest!”_ Klaus nonchalantly blew a raspberry, as if the thought to expose their secrets hadn’t even crossed his mind. “I’d never do that, Allie.” he innocently replied, whilst wondering which secret to spill to Vanya first. This was so fun, one of them should get amnesia more often!

**Author's Note:**

> **Feel free to request other missing scenes, etc!**
> 
> Copied from an earlier fic: 
> 
> If I find/write any more pre-canon/missing scene fics including Vanya, written from their subjective POVs, I will refer to Vanya as we met her in the series (she/her). Obviously Vanya is a character and is separate from Elliot, and we don’t yet know how he is going to approach playing Vanya in season 3. Gender bending happens a lot in acting, so it’s up to what Elliot feels they are comfortable with doing ❤️ I’m excited to see how the show adapts, if it does. So as far as we know _right now_ , Vanya uses she/her. I just want to keep things canon compliant when writing pre-canon/in canon, though I would of course always always use Elliot's correct pronouns and name, as they are separate to Vanya. Obviously I’m a fan of the actors (Elliot in particular lol) but I write fics with the _characters_ in mind, rather than the actors :)


End file.
